Dear Nelly,
Truly it was an honor to meet you in person!You always try to form a picture in your head of who is on the otherside of the letter and it was so interesting to meet you.It is persons like you that reinforce my beliefs that ones' upbringing doesn't necessarily dictate what/where they will land in life.
Before my imprisonment(that other life of mine)may not had been as difficult as your very own upbringing.I truly admire where you were and where you're today.I have always felt that no matter where we were/are in life or how difficult it may be there is something of use that we can take out of any situation.It may be something we've experienced and it may be ugly,but if we turn it into a positive,it does not always have to be seen as an eye sore or ugly blemish.
Sure,I do grow disappointed with decisions that are made beyond my control,but not in the sense where I'll respond in a negative way.I suppose the frustration is because I'm not sure what else I'm able to do except TIME itself?I can't put a value amount on a person's life,but my remorse today was just as strong as it was 20 years ago.I'm just left to do time and it is HOPE within my heart that leads me to believe I'll one day be able to define my position in life as a person of substance.I just want to be able to mean something to someone else and I truly believe I will one of these days.
Each day,week,month,and year that I live is toward January of 2014,and though I'll be disappointed if I'm not released.I know I can't/won't respond in a way that will jeopardize my chances at a latter parole hearing.
I'm sure I've been guilty of such in my life time,but it disturbs me that people are able to interrupt,make judgments,invade,etc. another's life without any thought whatsoever.I don't only refer to the parole board, I speak about any negative one showers upon another.
I haven't drawn in about 6 years and I know I told you this,but the last time was when Lise passed away.I didn't solely stop because of her death for there was just no one to draw for and it doesn't pay for me to try and sell art in here.In due time I am going to draw you something for your new office.I suppose it will be with a theme of nature and if you're offered thousands just send me a percentage(smile).
It was sad to hear about your friend(Violet)and the passing of her husband.It is said that bwe grow stronger via turmoil but I can't attest to that theory.I just try to meet the following day as best that I could.I just hope that one day she'll be able to find a comfort zone of true happiness.
I know there have been times within my life that I've acted impulsively, but by no means should you think I'll fall flat on my face if parole is denied to me in 2014.I know negative behaviors certainly would not help at all and I do believe I will one day be released from prison.
I have tried to express such in a letter before and I'm writing this only hours after our visit.I do hope you'll return Saturday so I could tell you in person,but just in case?
You don't seem to realize that you corresponding with me is an abundance of wealth to me and while I truly appreciate ALL that you do for me?You're an amazing woman and while I never expected anything from you,my appreciations are forever extended.Being blessed with meeting people like you is when I lean towards believing there is a God and that is the truth.
Don't think it has slipped my mind that you were considerate enough to think ahead with the case study in regards to my parole hearing.By that time you'll have a book full of letters that you could put on the internet.As long as I'm able to write I could never run out of things to tell you.
Let me suggest a book to you that I'd like you to read.It is called,"IN THE BELLY OF THE BEAST" written by Norman Mailer and it is the life story of Jack Henry Abbott who hung himself in 2002 in Wende Corr. Fac..I was there,but in a different block.He told the real deal about N.Y. State prisons and I suggest it to give you an idea why I prefer solitude over dealing with nonsense all day.It is truly nonsense and game that I've heard 1000s of times and it disgusts me now.
I don't believe you need me to tell you,but you're truly an AMAZING woman!!During our conversations on our visit I realized ALL the lives you support which is very considerate.From family,to a nanny,a friend that lost a spouse,and my own self!I do try to express my apprciations and I do hope others do as well for you should truly be praised for such.It isn't a small matter and you should certainly praise your ownself as well for you're a good person.Such a good person that when you do relocate your lab to Manhattan that you remember to supply me with an avenue to keep in touch with you.
Was the whole visiting experience what you envisioned in your head?I know a lot of people read things or will see a movie about prison and that is their impression.The media and movies exaggerate things which is why I wonder if it is different than what you imagined?
If it is still the same?The laundromat where you do your clothes(on Broadway)had a backdoor,parking lot,and right out the door is a bench?That is the bench I sat on Christmas morning of 1981.Everything in town was closed and at 7:30am I sat shivering with cold not realizing that would be a day I can't seem to forget as being one of the worst days of my life.I look back to it now and it's almost as if I could see myself at 16 years old sitting there,I could still shudder from the cold and I still recall what the air smelled like.It's crazy how time doesn't seem to change certain places and then other places change so drastically.
I knew it has a reputation for such,but I never had a problem walking through Harlem at 16!It was funny how so many believed I was a cop and if I wasn't with a person of color they wouldn't have been persuaded other wise.
Well Nelly,it was truly great to meet you in person and I thank you for your visit and all you've done for me.Truly it is a blessing and I'm happy I met you.Until the next time,take very good care of yourself.
James
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