Dear Nelly,
When I write fast my hand goes haywire and things get sloppy,but that is because thoughts flood my head and I think it's a good one to write,but I'm afraid I'll forget it if I don't hurry up to write it down!Crazy,huh?That last sentence needed a period somewhere?
Even though I sent the letter to her sister,assuming she'd give it to her,I never did hear from that girl(Brenda Ackerman).Remember I told you about her being from Rocky Point?My problem is this and I mentioned it before.I'm stuck in '83 from when I left society.It is what I remember about it and for all I know Brenda could be happily married or in a happy relationship.I sometimes believe I could pick up a pen as if it's a magic wand and get anyone to respond.It isn't the case with my mother though.
I received a letter from my wife who technically isn't my ex-wife even though she went back to the West coast(California)in '98.She was a devote Jehovah Witness and they don't believe in divorce unless adultery is committed.I guess she isn't devote any longer for now she is looking to divorce.It could have been done years ago without her,but there was no hurry for I didn't have anyone lined up to marry.She also sent me her Email address thinking I have access to such(I don't).It got me to thinking?Do you want other perspectives for your case study(?)for I could send you her Email address.I know she called me a volatile person back in 1997 when I hit a guy in the head with a weight.I just don't know if you seek NEW perspectives.
In 1981(August)when I was thrown out of my house on 12 Violet Road a Red Maple was just planted at the end of the driveway(right-hand side if you face the house).If you're ever in the neighborhood please snap a picture of it for it was about 6'(then)and I'd like to see how big it got in 31 years.For all I know,Peter(he bought the house from my parents/or is paying the mortgage.He worked for my stepfather)may have cut it down.
Now that you're moving, where in Rocky Point were you living.I want to see if I know people from your area?Believe me,as a kid I was all over Rocky Point.My stepfather's brother(Uncle Paul who is also deceased)lived in The Tides.A big house(5 Overlook Court).I never asked you exactly where you lived for I didn't want you to think I'd stalk you from prison(smile).I just felt if you wanted me to know you would have told me.I'm just curious whether I'd know the street you lived on or the area?
Writing to you causes me to reflect upon a lot of things which is good and the reasons why I wrote my mother.The last time I wrote her(my letter went unanswered)she still had the P.O. box in Wading River.I hope she still does.Out of all of my family,my mother has the most legitimate reason for not communicating with me.I wrote her a horrible,angry letter.I admit my faults without excuses.Now,my brothers and sister?
Listen,they can't dictate how I'm suppose to feel towards a man that always abused me.My older brother said it was discipline-not abuse!
Though I was wrong for this,after I was thrown out of my house I use to sneak back into their house(when they were at work).I'd either take a shower,eat,and YES I'd steal a few dollars from my stepfather's jar of coins.
One time he came home and instead of getting out I ran down to the basement and hid in the laundry room.He found me and started beating me with closed fist.He was a 250 pound man and I was as skinny as a rail!I was crying as I said,"I'm sorry dad"and he said,"Don't call me dad!I'm not your father."There are never answers or justifications to those things,but my siblings will defend anything I say in regards to my stepfather.
He is an ugliness and a disease to me even in his death.I have NO pleasant memories of him so when my siblings talk about him when I use to call,I'd try to change the subject or I'd grow quiet.It wouldn't work,so I'd say something like,"I really don't care to talk about him."It would start them on a rant he is daddy,not HIM either,etc..I respected their love for him,but they must respect my feelings towards him.I know it's not what is said,it's how you say it.I believe only my mother rightfully should have a gripe with me,no one else and I hope she forgives,but I have a feeling she won't betray her husband even now that he is no longer alive.
This tube should be removed from my stomach sometime this week.It doesn't hinder me in anyway ANY longer!The first week I couldn't even cough without a sharp pain.Surgery isn't done to take it out,it is just pulled out and I was told the hole will close up on it's own rather quickly.The nurse said it would be only a sting for a moment for it has a little rubber ball on the side in my stomach.I hope that little ball is indeed little!I do want to get it out though for it gets in the way of other things,etc..The only reason it's still in is because the doctor said too soon after surgery my stomach could fall away from the hole leaking fluids and acid into my body which could be fatal.The tube's diameter is about that of a pencil and it is amazing that the hole won't need a stitch or anything and will close on it's own right away.
In one of your letters that you sent to Clinton Corr. Fac. you said you didn't know the difficulties in prison day to day?
Literally,the only time one feels safe and not have to be fully alert is when the ENTIRE prison is locked down for the night(usually from 10pm-5:30am-workers for the mess hall come out than).Even in your cell you aren't safe as long as inmates are out.I've seen gasoline thrown in an inmate's cell and started on fire(he died in Auburn Corr. Fac.-1984)scalding water and oil thrown through the bars and anything else that can cause harm.Imagine standing in your bathroom while someone stands in the doorway throwing full cans of tuna,vegetables,or any canned food at you.If it goes through the bars you could only try to duck them in that small place but it is liked being stoned to death.I've learned to have eyes in the back of my head while I move about by instinct.I've done good for I'm still alive.
I received 14 pictures from you and I know it is a small percentage of the pictures you've taken-what is your most favorite pictures of?Maybe it isn't one specific thing,maybe it's whatever is interesting to the eyes?
Useless information for you...If an inmate is out of matches or a lighter to light a cigarette they do what is called "THIRD RAIL" with the plug outlet in their cell.They get a pencil and take the lead out and break off two pieces about an inch long and then push each piece into the socket.You don't get shocked as long as your fingers don't touch both pieces.A spark and then the toilet paper lights on fire.A battery works with a piece of wire as well.
You know I'm just looking for things to say when I am telling you how to light a cigarette.I will close for now and until the next time,take good care.
James
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