Dr.Alia-Klein:
I received your March 9,2012,letter and would like to respond to your question about my physical(medical)and mental health records.I have no problem,whatsoever,supplying you with my physical&mental health records,but I live "hand to mouth" and definitely can't afford to pay for such.Any income that I do have is sent from the(few)circle of friends I write.These records aren't ones that I have,but I have no problem signing an Authorization of release for my physical&mental health records for you to obtain them.As a matter of fact,I'll write out a release form and will have it notarized(I'll send it to you tomorrow).I'll also write the nurse administrator(B.Lecuyer-not sure if it's a man or woman)tonight asking the costs.They definitely do not provide this free of charge to me-for you I'm not sure.
As I said in a previous letter,I will supply you with whatever information you request.I just hope the above records will be in your hands before you come up in April if you need them.I just finished the Authorization forms,so I,ll get them notarized and in the mail following this letter.
I may have a biased opinion,butI don't put much into what a prison psychologist has to say.The last diagnosis they placed upon me was Borderline Personality.I'm not exactly sure what that means,but when it comes to PERSONALITIES and myself and mental health?I'm leery about that.
The second stabbing I had in prison was ONLY because the inmate was a rapist.Maybe I'm not in any position to judge another,but I hate those that rape.It was once thought of as a mental condition,but I don't believe this is so.My sister once told me that a child molester shouldn't be judged by me for I took a life.I could had argued it with her,but I never looked to introduce her to ugliness.Remember Marcia Brady from the Brady Bunch?My sister emulates her and the only ugliness she probably ever saw was that emitted by my father.
If I knew 29 years ago that I'd still be in prison today and I had the means,I would had taken my own life.I'm not afraid to die as lond as it is painless.I think the lonlier a person is-the easier it is.You see,when you have love all around you,you always feel that you must leave a message to this one or that one.My circle of friends is prof.Thieben,David&Linda,and Father Francis Pizzarelli.I feel the most obligated to Mr.Thieben,but I also write him the most.With the word most,I mean in depth,intense,and profound writing.He KNOWS me and though he may not voluntarily tell another ALL about me he knows if I was to end my life?He'd have an idea why and he'd understand it the most.
Lonliness is sad!I don't speak in terms of not being in intimate relations with a woman.I mean being alone and not having anyone that would show much concern for losing me.
In thr beginning of my sentence freedom was so desired for it wasdepressing to think I'd be defined as a convict,that prison would be my last residence!At least,than I knew I had someone to claim my body,but today I truly believe I'd be buried right outside the prison walls.It's not because of age,but at least today I could tell you I don't much care where I was buried(back than it mattered when I was surrounded by love).
A few years ago I began filling out documents by checking the box that both parents are deceased.Do you know I was once so close to my mother that I couldn't go a week without writing her or talking to her on the phone?My sister said I let hatred of my stepfather dictate and ruin my life.
Have you ever read the book or seen the movie,"The Green Mile" by Stephen King?Tom Hanks' character is kept alive by God far longer then normal for him to see all his loved ones die around him and to face other sorrows in life.Well,I truly feel this myself,but at least in Tom Hanks' case we know the answer why.
Sure,I'm only 47,but I have experienced near death incidents or should I say I should have been dead.I truly believe I'm kept alive to experience hurt'loss'pain'etc..That is why I'm so hesitant in taking my own life fir I fear failure.With my luck my 6'9" frame doesn't have many places to hang in cells that were built in the 1800s and I'd probably lose air to my brain,but not enough.I'd probably end up still alive,but paralyed and having to live life that way.I've taken a razor to my own arms and it required visits to the outside hospital for stitches.
Dr.Alia-Klein,I don't seek any sympathy or pity for my situation for I did take a life.I do not know what vprice one must pay for taking a life?
Remember Timothy McVeigh and the horrible crimes he committed?All of America thought justice was putting him to death,but I could assure you that he found the easy way out.It would had been more of a punishment if he was kept alive having to spend his life in a prison cell.I only still live because I have the possibility of release and if I didn't have that HOPE I know I'd be an empty soul left to waste away.
I'll have those papers in the mail to you following this letter.Until the next time,take good care.
Sincerely,
James Morgan
No comments:
Post a Comment