I want to point out that the blogs you read are letters I sent to a scientist who is studying a Gene in the brain to see if it causes people to be violent.Basically I'm sharing my life with her and much of that life was in a maximum security prison cell for a murder I committed when I was 18 years old.I tell you to enjoy a world of words that I once lived and now think about every moment of my days(November 23,2018).
Dear Dr.Alia-Klein:
At times I feel as if I'm in a confessional booth as I write to you,but I feel any information about me may help with your interview.
It hasn't escaped me,that you're living in Rocky point>I'm not sure if it means you could relate to what I write that much more,but if you recognize landmarks-it may help.
I grew up(my early teens)with low self-esteem.I was unusually tall and thin only having a handful of people I could call friends.My height came from my long legs(a 38" inseam-now)and it was difficult to find jeans in my size.As a teenager those things really weigh on your mind especially when you're beginning to attract to the opposite sex.When I saw a blossoming beauty,I'd always want to make a good first impression,but my mind would wander to the pants I wore.
If I wore the trendy jeans(Levis)I'd have to lower the waist so they wouldn't be highwaters(I'd fit right in if the rap generation was 30 something years ago).So,my pants were specially made by a tailor,but they could never duplicate Levis or cordoroys,Lees,etc,,
You wouldn't think something so simple would weigh on a teenager's mind,but it did.Outside of school it wouldn't matter to me,but school was 90% of my socializing grounds.At the ages of 13,14,15,and part of 16 I was probably punished 85% of that time.I didn't have answers as to what led me to trouble,but I knew I'd find some troubles just so I could stay in school longer(in detention).
High school ended at 2pm and detention ended at about 3:30pm.Believe it or not,I found it to be fun for I knew when I returned home I had to stay in my room.I clearly remember whole summers standind at the window in my room.12 Violet Rd. sits atop a big hill and from that window I could look down to Willow Rd.,Yucca Rd.,and all the way to Locust Drive.
While it was the worst event in my life(then)being thrown out of my house(at 16) was also the best time.At 16,there is nothing better then not having a curfew or parents staring down my neck.It was also as if I was being introduced to life for the first time at 16.I was no longer punished and I could get into all the mischief other teens have known years before.
Do you know that I was happier being homeless just so I could stay in familiar surroundings(Rocky Point).Sure,alot of times my mother would finance it so I could stay at a friend's house,but at times there wasn't a friend's house.I'd get that money from my mother and I'd party with friends until they had to be in for the night and I'd then hit the 'hole in the wall' bars-Galaways,Harrys,Pete's place,etc..I was tall for my age and being that my stepfather knew most other business owners they probably thought Jimmy's son must be of age.I was probably the only homeless in all of Rocky Point back in 1981.
During the day I'd sneak home to take a shower.I don't believe most people knew I was homeless.There use to be a Taxi business there on Broadway(Rocky Point Taxi) and I knew the owner and all the dispatchers.I'd sit in there with the female dispatchers and at about 2-3 in the morning I'd go out back to sleep in one of the cabs that wasn't in operation.
The worst day of my life was Christmas of 1981!I spent it(after going home for about 20 minutes to collect clothes my mother got me)on a bench behind the laundromat on Broadway.I sat in the cold on that bench Christmas morning.
Even at 16,you still feel embarrassment and though there weren't many out at 7 or 8am on Christmas morning,I sat on that bench back there so I wouldn't be seen.It was the coldest and lonliest day of my life.
I think some of my stays in psychiatric hospitals was for the reason that I was homeless.It was warmer in Sagamore Childrens center then on the streets.
The time I did find comfortable housing(Seabury Barn in Stony Brook & Hope House in Port Jefferson)I was thrown out of those two group homes for violence.Father Frank from Hope House was quoted in the newspaper(in regards to my crime)-NEWSDAY-as saying,"Sean had a heart of gold and James is an angry lad."He is a great man.but that was another chance for me to turn my life around and I did not.It's sad & it's not wondering what people who still live in Rocky Point would have to say about me?If their minds aren't tainted by my crime,I'd still think there'd be negative responses except from one girl(Brenda Ackerman).I think she still lives in the area,but for the life of me I can't remember the name of her street.I know where it is & how to get there,but not the name of the streets in The Tides.With a computer I'd probably find her in 5 minutes and I've spent many hours wondering how in an age where it's so easy to find someone,I am in prison without access to a computer or phonebook?
Most of those that would give the bad & ugly about me?I'll probably never again see in my life,but Rocky Point has been the only home I've ever known for my 18 years in society.
I hope I'm not boring you or didn't bore you?I always wanted to be accepted by my stepfather,but I knew I never was.I felt as if I was the only one of us kids that he didn't show love to.I felt that bas a child and I am clearly able to remember those times CLEARLY.
Is there still a field across the street from McDonalds on 25A?In that field my stepfather would hold 4 wheel drive mud races and everyone in school knew he was my father.They knew him for owning the Auto Repair business on Tyler Street(off 25A & Prince Rd.)and having nice muscle cars & 4 wheel drive trucks with big tires.I was proud that ball those people knew him,but hurt that he NEVER recognized me.
I'll close for now awaiting your response in regards to the enclosures.Until next time,take good care.
James Morgan
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